Month: February 2020

Month: February 2020

An Incredible Story of Child Marriage.

Evah Wambui – 19 years old – got pregnant when she was 16 years old in high school. Having a typical African mother, she was asked to go live with the boy who got her pregnant.

This is how the life of Evah as a child bride began. She went ahead and lived with her boyfriend’s family who mistreated her for bringing “shame” into their family.

All this time, her boyfriend stayed in school.

After she gave birth, she could not bear the ridicule and so she went back to her mother’s house.

Evah’s mother accepted her on the condition that she had to work on people’s farms as a casual laborer to feed her child.

Evah’s story is just one of the many in Kenya.

Child Marriage is still rampant in Kenya, especially among rural communities. It affects both boys and girls but girls are more affected due to socio-economic and cultural factors.

According to the Demographic Health Survey (DHS) 2014, 4% of girls were married by the age of 15 years while 23% were married by the age of 18 years in Kenya.

However, child marriage rates vary across regions with North Eastern and Coast regions having the highest prevalence rates, while the Central region and Nairobi have the lowest rates.

Girls married early are exposed to lifetime violence and are entrapped in the cycle of poverty. Child brides often live in isolation, dependent on their husbands and with little access to education, health or protection from violence and abuse.

What’s the child marriage rate? How big of an issue is child marriage?

In Kenya the legal age of marriage is eighteen years (18) and above, 43.3% percent of girls get married before they attain this age. The main reasons are poverty, tradition and gender inequality.

Just imagine this, If nothing is done to change this trend, an estimated 70 million girls will be married as children over the next five years. This translates to tens of thousands of girls every day.

We have a Mission here at Protect A Girls’ Image.

We continue to encourage parents and community members about the importance of education and the need not only to send their children to school but also to ensure that they complete the school cycle.

Teacher Wanjiku, a Senior teacher of Kangai Primary School, says “slowly but surely, parents are beginning to see the importance of education for their children. It is only through education that we can eradicate poverty. We need to involve other communities in Kirinyaga County to embrace the project and continue to encourage both boys and girls to complete the school cycle.”

 

Where rape turns to marriage.

In other cases, parents reach an agreement with the families of men who sexually assault their daughters so that both families save face.

Waithera (name withheld) was walking home from school shortly after dusk when she was grabbed and taken into her father’s maize farm.

The culprit named Njoroge raped her and when she reported this to her father, he informed the area chief who held the suspect for two days.

Meanwhile, the chief, Waithera’s father, and Njoroge’s family met and agreed that they get married since she was “no longer innocent”. The girl’s opinion did not count.

It may be difficult to imagine that there are still communities where such barbaric practices are legal. But the reality is that it remains widespread – particularly in developing nations.

 

RELATED CONTENT: Ten Ways to Teach Your Children About Consent at Every Age.

What causes child marriage to happen and what are the effects?

What causes child marriage and the effects

The causes of child marriage are complex and varied, motivated by different factors across communities and regions – sometimes, even within the same country.

Child marriage is often driven by engrained traditions and poverty. 

For struggling families, their best chance of survival may require marrying their daughters off, just because they can’t afford to keep them. Overwhelmingly, child brides come from the world’s most impoverished communities.

Poverty.

Within these contexts, girls (and women) aren’t seen as potential wage earners. Rather, they are financial burdens to their families and consequently, less valuable than boys.

For parents with several children or living in extreme poverty, child marriage is simply a way to help alleviate the desperate economic conditions they find themselves in.

It’s one less mouth to feed and one less education to fund.

Sometimes, girls are married to help offset debts, settle conflicts or as a substitute for money.

Worse still, families may have no choice but to arrange a younger daughter’s marriage along with her sister’s, if a cheaper “package deal” can be had.

There are so many ways in which child marriage creates economic incentives for young girls to be married off early – whether for financial security or gain.

Sadly, the practice also tends to trap these girls into a lifetime of economic disadvantage.

Poverty is one of the key causes of child marriage, but it’s also an ongoing consequence.

Robbed of the chance to grow, learn and fully realize her potential, child brides are disempowered.

Tradition.

Child marriage can also be influenced by norms and beliefs. In some societies, marriage is nothing more than a phase of womanhood.

Once menstruation starts, a girl is seen as a grown woman, so the logical next steps for her in life are marriage and motherhood.

Younger girls may also be perceived as more amenable, more easily shaped into an obedient wife.

In many cultures, girls who have lost their virginity are considered “ruined” or “unsuitable” for marriage.

Parents may arrange a union for their daughter while she is young to ensure she remains a virgin and to maximize her child-bearing years.

Survival.

For other families, forced child marriage is a survival strategy.

If they cannot afford to feed and educate all of their children, marrying off the girls would be “the next best thing” to starving, while also allowing them to give preference to boys’ schooling.

Education.

Child marriage statistics show that girls who aren’t in school face a greater risk of becoming child brides.

Girls who have no education are three times more likely to marry before 18 than girls who attended secondary school or higher.

When girls have access to education, they develop the knowledge and confidence to make important life decisions for themselves – including if, when and who to marry.

Even for those in school, early marriage can significantly impact a girl’s ability to continue with education.

Many are forced to drop out in order to focus on domestic responsibilities or to raise children of their own.

Parents and community leaders may see education as unnecessary for their primary roles in life as a wife and mother.

Adolescent pregnancy.

Child marriage is seen as a safeguard against immoral behavior.

A 2012 Plan study shows that parents in Kilifi and Kwale married off pregnant daughters to protect their family status and name, and to receive both dowry and a “penalty” payment from the man responsible for the pregnancy.

Children are respected more when their mother is married, and become ng’ide awi (children of the home) rather than ng’ide akeor (children of the field).

Among Kuria communities, young pregnant girls are sometimes married off to older women who cannot bear sons, in a tradition known as Nyumba boke.

Partying.

The practice of partying at discos after funerals or in local centers has also been cited as a driver of teenage pregnancy which sees girls drop out of school and seek early marriage.

 

What are our measures in eradicating child marriage?

Apart from Raising School Fees for children to go back to School in Kangai Village, we are implementing ways on how to tame and end child marriage in Kenya. They are the following:

  • Implementation of the Children Act
  • Creating awareness of the effects of child marriage.
  • Involving fathers.
  • Adequate Funding.
  • Mentorship.
  • Reporting cases of child marriage.
  • Delaying child marriage by taking the girls to school.

Protect A Girls’ Image pledges to link up with many strong groups and do more than we currently do to enable communities to have the knowledge to abandon this practice and pursue the Goal of having an Educated generation.

 

Related Content>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

What Is Rape Culture in Kenya??

6 Tips on How To Nurture a Child’s Mental Health.

Catcalling is not a Compliment, It’s Harassment.

6 Tips on How to Nurture a Child’s Mental Health.

If you had one wish for your children, what would it be? For me, I always think about how I want my children to be happy and strong physically and emotionally.

As the children we care for at Protect A Girls’ Image get older and more submerged into the world around them, I often find myself hard-pressed on how well they will be able to cope after they grow up and leave their rural homes.

February 3rd to February 9th was Child’s Mental Health Awareness Week, a topic near and dear to my heart. During that week I kept asking myself, Have we really prepared these children for the trials and tribulations of life that is to come? Have we implemented all the tools necessary to ensure a happy life for them?

Surely we can’t guarantee their happiness, but we can give them a strong foundation for their mental health – and that could be everything. Sometimes happiness sounds a lot like the main components of mental health.

As a parent, you can really get overwhelmed by scary statistics about how children are having mental health issues all over the world. The Good news is you have great power when it comes to nurturing your children’s mental health.

 

How common are mental health problems among children and youth?

One in four Kenyans is likely to suffer from a mental illness at some point in their life and they will find it difficult to get the healthcare they need, reveals a Nation Newsplex investigation.

The review of mental health data also finds that the suicide rate for men is three times higher than the rate for women. Figures from the World Health Organization (WHO) show that the suicide rate per 100,000 people in Kenya is seven, with the rate for men being 11 and women three.

Mental health issues can affect youth at any age. But certain situations can place some young people at a higher risk, including:

  • A family history of mental illness.
  • Children who experience difficult economic circumstances.
  • Children and youth who have poorer overall health, live in isolated communities and have scarce educational and work-related opportunities.
  • Children and youth who experience bullying and/or rejection from their families.
  • Big life changes such as moving to a new city or new school, caregiver separation or divorce, serious illness or death in a close relative or friend.
  • Facing or witnessing trauma, including abuse.
  • Substance use.

Unfortunately, too many children and youth don’t get help soon enough. Mental health disorders can prevent children and youth from succeeding in school, from making friends, or becoming independent from their parents.

Children and youth with mental health disorders may have trouble reaching their developmental milestones.

The good news is that mental health disorders are treatable. There are many different approaches to helping children and youth struggling with emotional or mental health problems.

Getting help early is important. It can prevent problems from becoming more serious and can lessen the effect they have on your child’s development.

How do I know if my child or youth has a mental health problem?

All children and youth are different. If you’re concerned your child may have a problem, look at whether there are changes in the way they think, feel or act.

Mental health problems can also lead to physical changes. Ask yourself how your child is doing at home, at school, and with friends.

Changes in thinking

  • Saying negative things about themselves or blaming themselves for things beyond their control.
  • Trouble concentrating.
  • Frequent negative thoughts.
  • Changes in school performance.

Changes in feelings

  • Reactions or feelings that seem bigger than the situation.
  • Seeming very unhappy, worried, guilty, fearful, irritable, sad, or angry.
  • Feeling helpless, hopeless, lonely or rejected.

Changes in behavior

  • Wanting to be alone often.
  • Crying easily.
  • Showing less interest in or withdrawing from sports, games or other activities that they normally enjoy.
  • Over-reacting, or sudden outbursts of anger or tears over small incidents.
  • Seeming quieter than usual, less energetic.
  • Trouble relaxing or sleeping.
  • Spending a lot of time daydreaming.
  • Falling back to less mature behaviors.
  • Trouble getting along with friends.

 

Physical changes

  • Headaches, tummy aches, neck pain, or general aches and pains.
  • Lack of energy, or feeling tired all the time.
  • Sleeping or eating problems.
  • Too much energy or nervous habits such as nail-biting, hair twisting or thumb sucking.

Remember: Just because you notice one or more of these changes does not mean your child or youth has a mental health problem.

 

As an advocate for mental health, I want to share tips on how you can help nurture children’s mental health. Here are just a few :

 1. Build Their Self-esteem.

Helping your children develop strong self-esteem so that they feel good about themselves is very important. You should create a sense of safety and security by building confidence in their abilities. You can do this by;

  • Praise them when they do well. Recognize their efforts as well as what they achieve: Regularly support and encourage your child. Make sure to praise their efforts, achievements, and to believe them and believe in them.
  • Let Them Learn Naturally: Promote independent learning. Have your child experience and accept the natural consequences of life and experience the benefits of positive actions as well.
  • Encourage Healthy Self-Talk: Use words of encouragement and daily affirmations.
  • Show lots of love and acceptance. Your child needs to feel like they are invited, accepted and loved. Make sure to spend family time together, play with them and remind them how valuable they are.
  • Ask questions about their activities and interests.
  • Help them set realistic goals.

 

2. Model Healthy Behavior.

Children learn from the behavior modeled by the important adults in their life – so be sure to lead by example the best strategies regarding self-care, healthy social interactions, communication, and emotional stability.

 

 3. Establish Healthy Habits.

Do not underestimate how much creating healthy habits at home can impact a child. Make sure your child is getting enough rest, eating healthy foods and getting enough playtime. So what more can you do?

  • Be aware of your child’s media use, both the content and the amount of time spent on screens. This includes TV, movies, the Internet, and gaming devices. Be aware of who they might be interacting with on social media and online games.
  • Be careful about discussing serious family issues—such as finances, marital problems, or illness—around your children. Children can worry about these things.
  • Provide time for physical activity, play, and family activities. Physical activity is important to our overall mental wellness and therefore a healthy home environment should include activity, play, and family interaction.
  • Be a role model by taking care of your own mental health: Talk about your feelings. Make time for things you enjoy.

 

4. Help children build strong, caring relationships.

A strong relationship consists of communication, respect, trust, problem solving and affection. Healthy relationships share common goals and responsibilities as well as acceptance and commitment. Further, strong relationships will promote resilience which is the ability to tolerate difficult situations in positive ways. This is what you can do;

  • It’s important for children and youth to have strong relationships with family and friends. Spend some time together each night around the dinner table.
  • Show your children how to solve problems.

 

RELATED CONTENT:  Tips on How Parents Can Help Children who have Experienced Trauma.

 

5. Listen to and Respect their Feelings and Reactions.

Listen to how your child is feeling and validate their emotions. Guide your child through big feelings and show them important coping mechanisms and ways to manage challenges (like meditation). Teach them the importance of expressing their emotions through language. You should know that;

  • It’s OK for children and youth to feel sad or angry. Encourage them to talk about how they feel.
  • Keep communication and conversation flowing by asking questions and listening to your child. Mealtime can be a good time for talking.
  • Help your child find someone to talk to if they don’t feel comfortable talking to you.
  • Children often learn from modeling; with exposure to a variety of feelings, language, and coping mechanisms, children, in turn, will become more self-aware

 

6. Distress tolerance.

Finally, children require direction on learning to relax and self-soothe; talking, quiet activity, walking and alone time are all healthy reactions to stressful situations.  In difficult situations, you can help children and youth by;

  • Teach your child how to relax when they feel upset. This could be deep breathing, doing something calming (such as a quiet activity they enjoy), taking some time alone, or going for a walk.
  • Talk about possible solutions or ideas to improve a situation and how to make it happen. Try not to take over.

 

When do I go for help?

There are many ways to help your child achieve good mental health. Sharing your concerns with the doctor is one of them. Talk to your child’s doctor:

  • if the behaviors described above last for a while, or if they interfere with your child’s ability to function.
  • if you have concerns about your child’s emotional and mental health.
  • Talk about your child’s behavioral development and emotional health at each well-child visit.

 

INCASE YOU MISSED IT:  Catcalling is Not a Compliment, It’s Harassment.

Your child’s mental health matters.

Good mental health is essential to overall health in every child. When you strengthen your child’s mental health not only are you positively affecting how your child thinks feels and behaves, you are increasing their chances of success in school, with peers, and in life.

These guidelines aren’t just for children either, but are important for everyone looking to take care of their mental health! If you enjoyed this post, you might want to read this post on how you can teach your child about sex and consent at every age.

 

 

Catcalling is not a Compliment, It’s Harassment!!

When I go to the shop every morning, our gate man and his friends will not let a lady pass by the gate without uttering words like “mrembo leo hunisalimii?”- “Beautiful come and say hi”. You can imagine how you look in the morning – baggy t-shirt or hoodie, sweatpants or tights, and they still catcall us which is very irritating. Most of the times I just pass by without saying anything or when am in a good mood I just wave and move along.

I am sure millions of women and girls around the world will have heard phrases like that. “Hey Sexy!” “Hey Beautiful!” “Ouh your body this or that!” or something like it. Some might say that it’s harmless, just a joke, or perhaps even a compliment.

But to be honest catcalling is none of those things. It’s an explicit demonstration of power, one that is intended to frighten or intimidate the person it’s addressed to. It is based in deep-rooted gender inequality, which sees women’s bodies as not their own.

 

In my opinion, in the context of gender, harassment often ends up being a way for men to exert control over women and their bodies. Shouting a crude comment about a woman’s appearance suggests entitlement to her body. Groping or stalking or simply standing too close without a woman’s permission shows entitlement to her space. Expecting a woman to talk to you while or after you harass her displays entitlement to her time. Do You Agree?

 

What is Catcalling?

Catcalling is when an individual whistles, shouts, or makes sexual comments toward another individual as they are walking by. Women are often the ones faced with having to deal with this ridiculous issue. The fact that I get a little nervous when I decide to get dressed up because I don’t feel like getting harassed, is a problem. You shouldn’t have to feel self-conscious or nervous every time you get dressed to head out the door or every time you pass by men on the street.

What is Street Harassment?

Street harassment is one of the most pervasive forms of violence against women and girls. It’s a type of sexual harassment and includes catcalling, unwanted comments, gestures, honking and uninvited sexual advances from strangers in a public place.

When you face harassment as part of your daily life, whether it’s while going for a run or getting the bus to see friends, what does that do? It holds you back right?

You are compelled to change your clothes, or routes to work just to try to avoid it. It can even  prevent you from working, from socialising, from learning, and from living with freedom and dignity.

This is not acceptable. No woman or girl should feel afraid in the streets of her own city.

Did you Know Poverty makes girls more vulnerable to harassment??

We help and interact with many women and girls in the rural areas we operate and they have stories to tell about street harassment. One would think thank living in the rural areas is a bit safer than urban areas but we were wrong.

Women and girls living in poverty are even more vulnerable to this sort of street harassment. For example, Rose Wanjiru attends a local school in Kangai village, Kenya. She is only 12 years old, but she and her friends are often harassed by men as they walk to and from school. Rose says:

“On my way home, we often get catcalls from the farm workers and boda boda [motorcycle taxi] riders. My biggest wish is that we get an education, the men should leave us alone.”

 

RELATED CONTENT: See How we are Raising Funds to help our Beneficiaries like Rose to stay in school.

How Protect a Girls Image is helping girls who are experiencing street harassment.

Jackline Wamwitha, Our eldest girl belongs to the Protect a Girls Image-supported girls’ club at her school. The club is a safe spacewhere the girls learn about their rights and gain the confidence to report harassment and abuse. Jackline looks out for other girls at school. She says: “I tell my friends: don’t pay attention to those men.”

In addition to girls’ clubs, Protect a Girls Image is working with women’s groups and training government officials, police, health workers and legal advisers in Kenya on how to best to tackle violence against women and girls.

By working closely with local commuities, PGIO is tackling gender-based street harassment at its root, by challenging the behaviours and gender inequalities that cause it.

 

READ MORE: Our Visit to Kangai Sunday School  Support Club. – Talks on Menstruation, Sex, Consent and Safety.

 

How Should You Deal with Street Harassment?

 Ignore It

Sometimes, no response is the best response (especially if you’re concerned about escalating the situation). Some harassers might enjoy any sort of attention, so ignoring the foolishness is the best bet. Hopefully, they will eventually get a clue and stop catcalling completely.

 Respond

If you’re a quick thinker with a strong voice, then responding may be a good choice. If you feel safe enough to do so, assertively respond to the harassers calmly, firmly and without insults or personal attacks to let them know that their actions are unwelcome, unacceptable and wrong. It’s one way to turn the situation around.

Show Compassion

Sometimes kindness is the most unexpected, confusing, and wonderful response of all. So if some guy is saying garbage about your appearance, you can respond with quiet sympathy. “You must be in a bad place to comment on stranger’s bodies like that. I hope life gets better for you.” You can say, with full sincerity. Then sashay away!

Report to Employer

If you are being harassed at work you can air your views and let Human Resources know that their employees are harassing people on the job and why that is unacceptable. I know you might be thinking “what will my colleagues think and what if I lose my job” If we don’t start standing up for ourselves now then when?

Step In

If you see a lady being harassed, please help them out of the situation and let the harasser know that their actions are not condoned by others. Ask her if she wants help and what she’d like you to do or simply check in to see if she is OK. Majority of street harassers look to other men for approval so they might gang up on you.

 

What will you Do to Help Girls facing Street Harassment??

If you Donate to Protect A Girls’ Image Education Funding>>>HERE, you can help us support more Girls in School, so that they can be educated on preventing and responding to harassment and violence. Here’s what your money could do:

  • $80  could help educate girls and ensure they are aware of their rights
  • $5 could help girls carry their books to school.
  • $10 could help get a Dozen of Books for each girl, to write down everything  they learn.
  • $3 could help buy a Dozen of Pens for them to write with.

 

SUMMARY

The most common defense that men have against this issue is that catcalls are their way of “complimenting” a woman’s looks. Going up to a woman and telling her she’s beautiful is one thing, but shouting “damn!” “hey sexy!” or whistling and honking the car horn as a woman walks by is a different story.

Catcalling can even get to the point of being dangerous if women decide defend themselves or ignore the cat-callers, because often they will get offended causing them to act in an aggressive or intimidating manner by name calling or going as far as assaulting women. It’s important that you assess your situation and ensure your safety before responding.

What men need to understand is that catcalling is not cute, funny, or complimenting. It’s harassment, degrading, and disgusting. It lets women know they are being objectified and looked at as nothing more than a piece of meat. It makes women feel as though they have no rights or values. Women are not dogs to be whistled at and they are not sexual objects. Women are more than their looks. Women have the right to be treated with as much respect and dignity when walking down the street as any man. Women deserve to feel safe!!

RELATED CONTENT

Ten Ways to Teach your Children Consent at every Age.

Ten Tips on how Parents can Help Children who have experienced Trauma.

Skills that Dad’s should teach their 13year Old Daughters in 2020.